The last movie in the Saw series had one half of the Aficionados excited and the other wondering why he was going to leave his house. By the end of the movie, one was outraged and the other having his views on the Saw series validated.
The action starts brutally with the first public trap in Saw history. It involves three people were either one or two people could survive. It ended in glorious bloodshed, guts flying everywhere, people covered in blood all while allowing people to take revenge on those who fucked them around. The opening scene is strong and really sets the tone for the rest of the film. Sadly, the film cannot keep the intensity of this scene and quickly resorts to its old bag of tricks.
The first warning sign of this is the scene that deals with the politics of Saw. It’s like “The Phantom Menace” packed into 5 minutes. What’s worse than that? This forms the subplot of the movie. We're not even fucking joking. It’s basically Saw 3, but he actually likes the people he’s trying to save, which really limits the reactions and emotions the traps could invoke. Saw 3 played on the characters morality and actually tested him. It made him God and showed him what power was.
Saw VII ignores all of this and decides that a douchebag trying to save the people who helped him make a dime will evoke more emotion. From the very start, you hate him and everyone who associates with him. As the traps progress, one dies, he cries. The next dies, he cries. The third dies, he cries. Combine this with the weakest traps in Saw and you have yourself the worst subplot in history. The whole thing could be taken out of the movie and it wouldn’t change a thing.
The sub plot also defies everything Saw is about. His wife is placed in some form of trap and is pulled closer to death with each of his many failures. Why she chose to be with him in the first place amazes me. He was a deadbeat with no job before lying about being in a Saw trap and his vagina must get in the way of everything. As mentioned, his failures result in her death. She couldn’t do anything to save herself nor had she done anything wrong. It breaks everything about the Saw mythology, how the writers got away with I don’t even know.
Keeping in mind that this monstrosity keeps popping up every 15 minutes, you get to the main plot. There isn’t really much to say about it. It’s a continuation from the previous Saws, with one major flaw. It’s acted out by the worst character in the Saw universe. We're guessing Gibson is fresh out of the academy, making him the best candidate to handle the Jigsaw case. He makes some of the stupidest decisions, yet can figure out the most cryptic clue using only the most retarded logic I have seen to date. Knowing Hoffman, an ex-detective, is trying to kill Jill, he places her in a safe house. Luckily for him, only police know where safe houses are and Hoffman wasn’t one of those. After realizing how stupid he was, he moves Jill to a holding cell at the station and proceeds to name her “Crazy” instead of “Jill”.
He goes on to do a great Jeff Goldblum in Independence Day, which obviously leads him to Jigsaws hideout in this movie, which just happens to be at the location of the main plots trap. I can only assume it was his fatuousness that decided that in this massive warehouse, they should only keep to the one room the trap was in as there couldn’t possibly be anything in any of the other rooms.
It seems that the writers weren’t content with one retarded character, which brings us to Jill and the stupidest piece of cinema I have seen this year. Somehow finding out Jill has been placed in a holding cell, Hoffman sneaks in by hiding in a body bag from one of his own traps, the one set at the aforementioned warehouse. This in and of its own is enough for us to call bullshit, but it gets worse. After killing three policemen in their own building and placing a gun on the table, right in front of Jill, he proceeds to walk up to her, leaving him open to attack.
Amazingly so, she conceals a sharp object and stabs him in the neck before making her getaway. Obviously she grabs the gun and shoots Hoffman BUT OH WAIT, SHE’S TURNED INTO A FUCKING PACIFIST IN THE LAST 10 SECONDS AS SHE RUNS AWAY DEFENCELESS. Her parents must be related or something because stupidity like that only exists in the deep south. She runs past the gun on the table and two dead policemen, both who have guns on them and decides to hide in a corner. It’s this dumbassery that leads to her death and, luckily, her removal from the gene pool. You'd think this ends the scene, but apparently they only had three people in this police station as Hoffman just walks out with no opposition.
One saving grace is the film could be seen as one of the greatest supporters of a greener world. Nearly everything in the movie is re-used bar two traps. We’re surprised that Jigsaw didn’t magic himself back into the story. Who knows, he might have been one of the two masked people who helped Gordon kidnap Hoffman in the end, shit, Amanda was probably the other. The film tries to come full circle, but it makes little sense. Hoffman is locked in the room the first Saw movie took place in but that’s not where the Jigsaw phenomenon started, merely where we came in. Not only that, but he’s just left there to die with no further explanation as the credits roll. What the fuck kind of ending is that?
The final nail in Saw VII's coffin is the 3D. As much as people complain about 3D and we generally loathe it ourselves, they didn’t do ANYTHING interesting with it at all. There is one trap of note, where a girl is going to have metal spikes slowly pushed into her eyes and throat. The camera shows this from her perspective, but are those spikes in 3D? Fuck no, they spent all their budget on making that fog outside stand out, adding to that depth of field like you wouldn’t believe. This use of 3D is why nobody enjoys it and it should be thrown out. Unless you’re going to make your mediocre film great, ala Avatar, fuck off. No one wants you ruining their perfectly bad movie more.
And that’s how Saw VII cut the series to shreds. Tell your friends!
The action starts brutally with the first public trap in Saw history. It involves three people were either one or two people could survive. It ended in glorious bloodshed, guts flying everywhere, people covered in blood all while allowing people to take revenge on those who fucked them around. The opening scene is strong and really sets the tone for the rest of the film. Sadly, the film cannot keep the intensity of this scene and quickly resorts to its old bag of tricks.
The first warning sign of this is the scene that deals with the politics of Saw. It’s like “The Phantom Menace” packed into 5 minutes. What’s worse than that? This forms the subplot of the movie. We're not even fucking joking. It’s basically Saw 3, but he actually likes the people he’s trying to save, which really limits the reactions and emotions the traps could invoke. Saw 3 played on the characters morality and actually tested him. It made him God and showed him what power was.
Saw VII ignores all of this and decides that a douchebag trying to save the people who helped him make a dime will evoke more emotion. From the very start, you hate him and everyone who associates with him. As the traps progress, one dies, he cries. The next dies, he cries. The third dies, he cries. Combine this with the weakest traps in Saw and you have yourself the worst subplot in history. The whole thing could be taken out of the movie and it wouldn’t change a thing.
The sub plot also defies everything Saw is about. His wife is placed in some form of trap and is pulled closer to death with each of his many failures. Why she chose to be with him in the first place amazes me. He was a deadbeat with no job before lying about being in a Saw trap and his vagina must get in the way of everything. As mentioned, his failures result in her death. She couldn’t do anything to save herself nor had she done anything wrong. It breaks everything about the Saw mythology, how the writers got away with I don’t even know.
Keeping in mind that this monstrosity keeps popping up every 15 minutes, you get to the main plot. There isn’t really much to say about it. It’s a continuation from the previous Saws, with one major flaw. It’s acted out by the worst character in the Saw universe. We're guessing Gibson is fresh out of the academy, making him the best candidate to handle the Jigsaw case. He makes some of the stupidest decisions, yet can figure out the most cryptic clue using only the most retarded logic I have seen to date. Knowing Hoffman, an ex-detective, is trying to kill Jill, he places her in a safe house. Luckily for him, only police know where safe houses are and Hoffman wasn’t one of those. After realizing how stupid he was, he moves Jill to a holding cell at the station and proceeds to name her “Crazy” instead of “Jill”.
He goes on to do a great Jeff Goldblum in Independence Day, which obviously leads him to Jigsaws hideout in this movie, which just happens to be at the location of the main plots trap. I can only assume it was his fatuousness that decided that in this massive warehouse, they should only keep to the one room the trap was in as there couldn’t possibly be anything in any of the other rooms.
It seems that the writers weren’t content with one retarded character, which brings us to Jill and the stupidest piece of cinema I have seen this year. Somehow finding out Jill has been placed in a holding cell, Hoffman sneaks in by hiding in a body bag from one of his own traps, the one set at the aforementioned warehouse. This in and of its own is enough for us to call bullshit, but it gets worse. After killing three policemen in their own building and placing a gun on the table, right in front of Jill, he proceeds to walk up to her, leaving him open to attack.
Amazingly so, she conceals a sharp object and stabs him in the neck before making her getaway. Obviously she grabs the gun and shoots Hoffman BUT OH WAIT, SHE’S TURNED INTO A FUCKING PACIFIST IN THE LAST 10 SECONDS AS SHE RUNS AWAY DEFENCELESS. Her parents must be related or something because stupidity like that only exists in the deep south. She runs past the gun on the table and two dead policemen, both who have guns on them and decides to hide in a corner. It’s this dumbassery that leads to her death and, luckily, her removal from the gene pool. You'd think this ends the scene, but apparently they only had three people in this police station as Hoffman just walks out with no opposition.
One saving grace is the film could be seen as one of the greatest supporters of a greener world. Nearly everything in the movie is re-used bar two traps. We’re surprised that Jigsaw didn’t magic himself back into the story. Who knows, he might have been one of the two masked people who helped Gordon kidnap Hoffman in the end, shit, Amanda was probably the other. The film tries to come full circle, but it makes little sense. Hoffman is locked in the room the first Saw movie took place in but that’s not where the Jigsaw phenomenon started, merely where we came in. Not only that, but he’s just left there to die with no further explanation as the credits roll. What the fuck kind of ending is that?
The final nail in Saw VII's coffin is the 3D. As much as people complain about 3D and we generally loathe it ourselves, they didn’t do ANYTHING interesting with it at all. There is one trap of note, where a girl is going to have metal spikes slowly pushed into her eyes and throat. The camera shows this from her perspective, but are those spikes in 3D? Fuck no, they spent all their budget on making that fog outside stand out, adding to that depth of field like you wouldn’t believe. This use of 3D is why nobody enjoys it and it should be thrown out. Unless you’re going to make your mediocre film great, ala Avatar, fuck off. No one wants you ruining their perfectly bad movie more.
And that’s how Saw VII cut the series to shreds. Tell your friends!
My favourite part was the tags for the post
ReplyDeleteOne of the smartest guys I've ever met comes from the "deep south."
ReplyDeleteIrrelevant I know, I do not apologise.